Touched
by Linstock
Summary: What are the consequences of an accidental touch?
1. Chapter 1

Touched.

**Nyota**

Nyota Uhura was not a woman who gave up. She was persistent, dedicated and a perfectionist. She did not like to fail. So she sat in the language lab booth listening to the incredible complex language of the Boarua. Cadet Uhura had the best grasp on this language of anyone in her year, she understood it quiet well and she could read the language but she could not speak it. So she immersed herself in the sounds, she tried to speak the words failed and repeated and failed, and persisted and failed. One night Commander Spock had come to stand silently at her shoulder. After listening to her attempts with his head cocked slightly to one side he said, "Boarua is difficult for humans..."

"Tell me something I don't know" thought Uhura.

"because of it requires specific breathing patterns to produce the sounds fluidly. Instruction at the academy is aimed at aural and reading proficiency not oral proficiency."

He had gone on to explain that few people were able to develop the physical capacity to speak Boarua, but, he was aware that she was a singer and that was a good start. There were some exercises Uhura could do to improve her breath control and strengthen muscles in the abdomen and throat. He explained and demonstrated. And she copied, and practiced and practiced and practiced. She practiced in the shower, she practiced while walking on the beach, and she practiced in bed, until Galia threw a pillow at her and called her "obsessed".

"I just don't like to fail" said Uhura.

"You don't like to fail Commander Lean and Gorgeous" said Galia, teasingly.

Uhura threw the pillow back, "That's not it at all." replied Uhura, "Language is my area of interest and I don't give up."

"I'm sure it is an area of interest," drawled Galia, "Nothing to do with Commander Sex-on-Legs paying individual attention to you, coaching you, demonstrating techniques to you," Galia drawled out the word techniques in a highly suggestive manner.

"Quite right, nothing at all," even to herself Nyota sounded snippy, "He likes to encourage interested students. He is a dedicated and highly professional teacher .."

"With a gorgeous body and deep deep eyes and that you-can-not-touch-me air' sighted Galia, dreamily.

Both women lay on their beds and sighed.

"You have been hot for him since first year," declared Galia.

"No, it's not like that," and for the first time Uhura sounded thoughtful, "I admired him and I still do, but he is off limits so there it is. I do want to be noticed by him, he is going to be first officer on the Enterprise and I want to be on the Enterprise. His opinion will carry weight and I need him to know that I am capable and dedicated and professional through and through."

Uhura rolled onto her side and looked across at Galia, "Seriously, it is my area of expertise and I just can not let this language beat me."

Galia pulled a face.

Uhura propped herself up on one elbow, "If there was a bug in one of your programs and you could not find it, would you shrug and give up?"

"No way girl, I'd track it down or die in the attempt," said Galia.

"Exactly my point," said Uhura, "You are as obsessed as me. I rest my case."

Uhura started the vocal exercises again and Galia pressed the pillow over her head in despair.

Three days later Uhura was in the language lab slogging it out with spoken Boaruan again. She had been working all afternoon and had not noticed as the room became dark. Now it was late and the lab was in semi darkness lit only by the computer screens. Uhura was growing more and more excited. She had done it! She could hear it in her tapes, she was speaking Boauan. She pressed her hands to her ears to hold the muffs tighter and cut out all sound as she listened. She repeated the phrase. YES! She'd done it she'd done it.

"Congratulations cadet." Uhura stood quickly and swung around when she hear the unexpected voice. Spock raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"I did it!" she almost shouted, she was elated.

"Indeed" he replied.  
Uhura drew a deep breath and spoke a sentence in fluent Boauan.

Commander Spock head tipped slightly as he listened, "Admirable," he said.

He raised his hand. Uhura reacted naturally, thoughtlessly, crowing with delight she reach up and slapped her palm against his in a high five. She froze. "Never never touch a Vulcan, especially not on the face or hands," basics, every first year cadet knows this. She froze, stared into his wide eyes. She was touching him! Raw longing slammed through her swept along by her elation. Then she looked at her hand in dawning horror and snatched it away. She saw he had been reaching for the hanging overhead light switch. Too late! The damage was done..

His eyes had widened, his face blanched to a greenish white, he appeared to rock slightly. His hand culched the hanging cord and pulled reflexively. His sat back on the desk suddenly as if his knees had given way. He looked like he was in shock. He was breathing hard. What had she done? Was he injured?

"Sir? Commander? I'm so sorry, please, please is there anything I can do?" She reached toward him and he recoiled back as if her hand was a snake... She snatched her hand back.

"Fool," she thought, "don't you learn, unprofessional impulsive thoughtless fool."

He appeared calmer. "Cadet," his voice was little more than a whisper, "Dismissed".

She started to back away,

"Sir are you?"

"I said dismissed," his voice actually sounded angry.

Uhura could see her vision of serving on the Enterprise fading away. She snatched up her bag from next to his legs. Oh no! She actually brushed against him in her haste and felt him jump like he and received an electric shock. "Fool, fool, fool," she chanted in her mind as she fled from the room. She wanted to run, hide and lick her wounds but she was also concerned, and wondered if she should leave him alone. Once outside she turned and looked through the door's glass upper pane. Her breath caught in her throat and then she flooded with heat. She saw him under the single light, still leaning against the desk his head tipped back, his eyes shut and month sightly open and an intense expression on his face she had only seen in her fantasies. He seemed to tremble slightly. He might have been in pain but Nyota guessed this was how he would look in the throes of passion. As she watched he ran one long fingered hand up stroking over his face and across his scalp from front to back, the fingers combing through his hair leaving it tousled. "Like he would look in bed," she thought. She knew that vision of Spock would haunt her dreams. She fled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer. I do not own the characters and make not profit from this work. (I will now sulk.)**

**Spock. **

He was swamped, overwhelmed, drowning in feeling. He was so shocked by her unexpected touch it was several seconds before his activated his mental barriers and then it was like trying to block a high pressure hose by pushing his hand against the nozzle. Then the touch was gone the barriers slammed into place but by that time he was lost. He struggled to breathe. He was flowing and filled and overflowed. His knees buckled and he leaned on the desk. He was realised that what seemed at first to be on flood radiant emotion was made up of numerous finer strands of feeling and as each became clearer is was a small shock; he trembled. Through intense concentration he gained enough control to dismiss her. He must be alone. She brushed against him and he flinched. No more! He already overflowed he could not process the intense, overwhelming shocking load of feelings that had cascaded into him. His head lolling back as he fought for control. He felt that he had become insubstantial and that he shimmered and moved like a mirage. He ran his hand over this face and across his head as if trying to reassure himself he was as solid as always.

When he was in control of his body again he stood and left the lab. He walked slowly. He neither saw nor heard anything and his only goal was to get to his rooms and be alone. Fortunately at this hour no one was around and he reached the safety of his quarters without having to respond to anyone. He sank onto his bed and lay still feeling after shocks as the experience echoed through him. He knew he would need to mediate deeply to process what had happened. And what had happened? He needed to know. Cadet Uhura had always stood out from the other student due to her intelligence, ability and her beauty. But she was out of bounds, his student, and so he had not allowed his attraction to develop any further. He had known she smiled easily and laughed frequently and her anger was impressive, but he had no reason to believe she was a telepath. So what had just happened?


	3. Chapter 3

Touched

Chapter 3

Nyota.

"Fool, fool, fool..", the internal chant drove her across the quad, in the door, up the stairs, she could not bear the thought of the lift, and into her room where she threw her bag down and fell onto her bed sobbing. Galia came out of the bathroom in her underwear and ran to Nyota. Galia kneeled next to the bed and stroked Nyota's shuddering shoulders.

"Nyota what is wrong? Tell me," she said her own voice cracking.

"Commander Spock, Spock …" Nyota could get any words out between sobs.

Galia straighten, "Did he hurt you?" she demanded in a hard voice.

"No. Oh, Galia I think I hurt him," cried Nyota and sobbed harder.

Galia was perplexed but she knew to wait to the storm passed. She sat on the side of the bed and stroked Uhura's back rhythmically. When Uhura's sobs slowed she asked," What do you mean you hurt him?"

In between sobs and shuddering breaths Uhura told Galia what had happened, only leaving out that last view of him through the door.

"Galia," said Nyota, rolling over to look at her friend, "I think I just ruined my career. What sort of communications specialist will I be if I can not even remember the basics. Vulcan 101, do not touch, and I slammed my whole hand against his and held in there," Uhura lifted her hand and stared at it as if she had never seen it before, "with this hand I just destroyed any chance of serving on the Enterprise." Her eyes filled again.

Gallia acted quickly to cut off a new bout of weeping, "You'll never wash it again."

Uhuras frowned.

"With that hand you fulfilled every second female cadet's fantasy; you touched Commander Spock, skin to skin." Gallia gazed at Uhura's hand too.

Uhura frowned, "Gallia this is not a joke, this is a serious breach of protocol, of manners, of Vulcan decorum. It was conduct very unbecoming."

"But what did it feel like? Did you feel him?"

Uhura knew what Gallia meant, not did her hand feel him but did her mind. Uhura knew there had been a telepathic link by his reaction, she had felt something but she was unsure what, it was so tangled with her emotions. She had been so utterly horrified by her action she had panicked she supposed, although she was not a person inclined to panic. Was some of her panic due to Spock's response felt through this link?

Gallia brought Uhura a drink. As she sipped she tried to think. She had touched him and, yes, in that first touch she had felt warmth, not just the warmth of his skin but an electric tingling warmth and a sensation of yearning reaching toward her mind. Was that the "connection"? From Spock's reaction she knew he had felt something, and it had not been good.

She slowly calmed and was exhausted. The last thought as she slipped into sleep was the image of that final gimps of him, head back, hair in disarray, eyes shut and mouth softly open. It was the single most erotic image she had ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

AU: Thanks so much to everyone who commented or favourite this story. You truly made my day. I never set out to write a long story as I know my limits, but Spock and Uhura just will not cooperate. As I am going away for a week or so I wanted to post something before I went. This is un-beta-ed and I know that shows. (If anyone is up for the job let me know) Abject apologies for any errors and I always appreciate people pointing them out, no offence will be taken.

Touched

Chapter 4

**Spock. **

He meditated deeply for long periods during the next two days. He reflected intensely on what had happened. He still felt the effects; unexpected waves of happiness would course through him scattering his concentration. He was aware of a longing and did not know why or for what the longed, just that he did. Odd snatches of unfamiliar tunes fluttered through his mind. It was disconcerting. It did occur to him that he should be profoundly glad that Cadet Uhura had been joyful and not furious when the connection occurred. Warmth filled him again as he thought of her. He wondered he was experiencing a conditioned response. Every time he thought of her he remembered and re-experienced happiness and so the two were becoming strongly associated.

As he gained clarity Spock realised that he was one major causes of the incident. It was illogical to continue to deceive himself. He was attracted to Cadet Uhura. If there was any conditioning it was minimal. He had sought her out and found reasons to be with her. It was no accident he was near the language lab when she was working, it was not just the act of a dedicated teacher when he offered to coach her and he was both open and receptive to her to the point where he was mentally leaning toward her. No wonder the unintended link had opened a flood gate.

Cadet Uhura was the other factor she had also been totally open to him and broadcasting, pushing her feelings out, although she would have been unaware of doing so. At first he thought it was because of the human tendency to reach out and share happiness, but then he slowly began to understand that Cadet Uhura was every bit as aware of him as he was of her. She was reaching out specifically to him. Two people mentally wide open and reaching toward each other formed an unintended link at a time of heightened emotion. It was logical that he had been flooded. He actually felt relief that the flow of sensation had been one way otherwise he might have been as exposed as she now was to him.

He knew her secrets. The intensity of her emotions the taste of her joy the colour of her passions and the way she felt when she thought about him. He closed his eyes. She saw him in such detail and it amazed him. He had learned more about himself in the past few days than he would have thought possible. For example, he knew how graceful he was when he moved, he did not feel graceful, but as he watched her memory he saw it was true. He knew how many female students watched him with lust in their eyes. Uhura had noticed what he had not.

**Uhura. **

Uhura made it her personal mission to stay out of Commander Spock's way. She changed her routines to ensure they could not meet, but she could not avoid his lectures. At day four post the High Five Incident, as she thought of it, she had to attend a lecture by Commander Spock. Normally she relished these and sat in the front row just the right of centre. Now she now sat slumped in the farthest back row near the corner behind two extremely tall students.

She watched him walk to the podium. His eyes moved around the students scanning the front row. Was he looking for her? An image formed in her mind, like something seen through a slightly misted window. It was herself seen from a perspective that looked down at her alert face; she felt a wisp of pleasure and appreciation. Several times in the past four days she had experienced these strange soft glimpses of herself and a whisper of emotion. She had reached the conclusion that these were glimpses from Spock somehow transferred during the High Five Incident. It seems he had not been unaware of her and had not thought badly of her. Uhura was sure that had changed.

As the days had passed she had become more and more afraid of what he may have felt or seen through the telepathic connection. If the blurry images and emotions she felt were any indication she would wager he had a similar but much clearer and more intense experience, after all he was the telepath. With growing horror Uhura had become very aware of just what thoughts had run through her mind during that touch and wondered if it was possible to die from mortification.

**Spock. **

Spock had never been as acutely uncomfortable as he was in those first days after the touch. He was overwhelmingly self aware; it was deeply unsettling and confronting. At first he found himself almost unable to walk to his office he was so self conscious. Having seen himself though another's eyes he now "saw" his every move as if viewed and judged by others. He could no longer be natural. He felt everyone was looking at him and when he checked he found a distressing number were. Also for the first time he was aware of the lascivious speculative looks of the female and some male cadets. He was profoundly relieved when he reached the privacy of his home or his office. He mediated deeply and often and fortunately with time the hyper-awareness started to fade.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

**Touched**

Chapter 5.

**Nyota. **

"You are a coward," said Nyota Uhura looking directly at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She took a deep breath and straightened, there would be no more hiding or slumping in chairs at the back of the lecture theatre. Yesterday she had been in the library and seen a tall black haired man in instructor's uniform and had actually dived behind a bookcase. She snorted, "You are such a coward you have taken to hiding behind fixtures. No more!"

As if the High Five Incident was not bad enough her own cowardice was adding to the embarrassment. "You want to be a Star Fleet Office," she told her reflection, "start acting like one." She had made a mistake. It had been a breech of protocol but no actual harm had been done. She had seen Commander Spock since the incident and he seemed much as usual. In her career she would make mistakes. She had better learn how to deal with mistakes and do so with professionalism. She would view this as a learning experience. If the incident had occurred (she mentally cringed) during a negotiation on some far off planet what would she do. Well, she would ensure she understood what had happened for the perspective of the injured party and she would apologise sincerely. Then she would make amends as seemed appropriate. So that is what she must do now.

Staring at her face in the mirror she was forced to admit that she would have reacted differently with anyone but Commander Spock. Nyota acknowledged that she could have apologised to an unknown Vulcan without feeling so daunted and diminished. But, if it had been anyone else she may not have behaved as she had. She had thought about Commander Spock so often that she a built up a familiarity with him that only existed in her own head. She owed him a double apology, for the incident and for taking so long to acknowledge her fault. First she would make a trip to the library.

**Spock**

Commander Spock knew the blame for the incident was primarily his own. He acknowledged this now. He was the telepath, she was not. He knew how to control his mental function and erect mental barriers, she did not. He was aware that his own failure of self regulation was at the core of this reaction. If the touch had occurred with any other person at most it would have been unwanted and unpleasant and would have resulted in a brief reprimand.

The crux of the issue was Nyota's touch was not unwanted. Despite the discomfort, despite the illogic and the inappropriateness of the behaviour Spock wanted to touch Nyota again.

Spock also felt ashamed. He had transgressed. He had violated her secrecy. Every Vulcan child learned that you never looked into another's mind unbidden. There were inevitable exchanges between children who had not yet perfected control. Spock clearly remembered as incident where he had been baited and eventually attacked his tormentor. The boy had fought back viciously and Spock had pinned him to the floor by kneeling on him and securing both hands with his own. Through the hand to hand touch Spock had inadvertently seen details of the boy's family life and private thoughts. It was this transgression, rather than his actual attack, which had engendered the severe discipline that his father had imposed. Spock had learned the absolute taboo against the violation of another's mind, even if not intended. Both parties had responsibility to guard against accidental transfers. Such strictures were essential for a telepathic race. He had an even greater responsibility here when others did not possess the ability to shield their minds. He had committed a grave error and he was ashamed. If he were on Vulcan there were ritual procedures he could follow to formally apologise and make amends. But he was not on Vulcan and he had to find a way to make amends in a way acceptable to a human.

**Uhura. **

It was fascinating and horrifying. Fascinating because of the insight she gained in Vulcan culture as she sifted through articles, journals, and historical texts and travel logs. Horrifying as just how appalling what she had done actually was, by Vulcan standards. The strictures against uninvited access to another mind were absolute and so severe that they constituted a taboo. Even more horrifying was the revelation of the potentially sexual nature of hand touching. The hands were a significant erogenous zone. "Ozh'esta" which involved touching the index and middle fingers was an intimate touch considered almost indecent between non-bonded couples.

"Way to go Nyota, you not only assaulted him you sexually assaulted him," she thought. What made matters even worse was the deep thrill Nyota experienced at that last thought, followed immediately by a wave of self disgust.

Nyota felt tear pick her eyes. "Get a grip!" she cautioned herself, "think about this; be professional."

Nyota quickly realised that it was the sexual nature of the touch that had caused the thrill. The though of any sexual contact with Spock was thrilling it was that simple and that humiliating; she was very aware of how her body reacted to the thought no matter what her brain said.

"Great," Nyota sighed to herself, "this just keeps getting better."

Gallia had been right all along.

**Spock. **

Vulcan ritual demanded that he express contrition for the transgression, but without the clear guidelines provided by cultural practice he did not know how to start. The problem was that there were no analogous human experiences and therefore no precedent. Short of using drugs or hypnosis humans could not access each other's thoughts without permission and even then the experience could not be compared with telepathic contact. There was information on general apologies but such rituals as sending flowers and a card seemed inappropriate. A written apology might be acceptable but Spock believed it was too impersonal considering the highly personal nature of the violation.

In the end he contacted the only person that could advise him on Vulcan and human interactions.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

AU: Thanks so much to everyone who commented or favourite this story. This is un-beta-ed and I know that shows. My apologies for any errors and I always appreciate people pointing them out, no offence will be taken.

Touched

Chapter 6

**Nyota. **

Everyday life continued. Although a significant proportion of her mind was consumed with the fallout of the High Five Incident Uhura still had lectures to attend, tutorials to present, assignments to complete, reading and language practice. At least she could accommodate the language practice by thinking about the incident in a wide range of languages. She found to her surprise that it helped. The issue appeared subtly different in the other languages and she felt her perspective shift. Uhura found she felt differently when she though about the issue in for example, Vulcan or Klingon or Orion. It was fascinating. She made a mental note to practice the technique in other situations.

Overall Uhura struggled to maintain the high standard of her work and this clinched her decision. Nothing must be allowed to interfere with her studies and her goals, not even her embarrassing longing for a superior officer and an egregious breach of protocol. She would not hesitate any longer she would apologise today.

It was because of this decision that Gallia found Uhura sitting on her bed surrounded by brushes and hair pins and swearing in three languages.

Gallia looked enquiringly, "Getting ready for a hot date?"

"Hardly, I'm getting ready to prostrate my self at Commander Spock's feet and beg forgiveness," snapped Uhura. Nerves were making her snappy and she just hated trying to do anything with her hair.

"Ohhhh, yes" sighed Galia salaciously.

Uhura frowned and snapped, "Galia! This is no time for innuendo."

"It is always time for innuendo," smiled Galia, "and I think the thought of prostrating," she drew the word out exquisitely, "yourself before Commander Sexy Eyes is delicious."

Uhura muttered under her breath about Orion room mates then said, "Instead of thinking indecent thoughts about a superior officer why don't you make yourself useful and help me with this." Uhura gesture to her head.

Gallia frowned, "What are you trying to do with that?" she pointed to Uhura's pathetic attempt at an upswept hairdo.

"I am trying to do my hair in a style sort of reminiscent of the formal Vulcan styles. Not the same mind, I am not Vulcan and that could be patronising, but with the same 'feel'" said Uhura.

"Why?"

"I thought that the apology would seem more sincere if I looked appropriately dressed, to a Vulcan's way of thinking." Uhura sighed, "See." Uhura turned a swatch of printed sheets to Gallia and pointed to individual pictures with her hair brush, "in most formal events Vulcan women have their hair in upswept style." She gesture to her head, "So I thought that a similar sort of style may provide an unconscious cue indicating my sincerity. Problem is I forgot how useless I am at doing my hair. There's a reason I wear it long and straight. " Uhura threw the hair brush she was holding on the bed with unnecessary force.

"Well then you're lucky to have me," said Gallia, "I'm a hair styling magician." With that she approached hair brush in hand, smiling.

**Spock. **

The only person Spock could turn to for advice on Vulcan and human interactions was his mother.

As her face filled the screen Spock felt the familiar warmth through his bond with her.

"Spock," she stated and nodded. The Vulcan acknowledgement was coupled with a human smile.

"Mother," he replied. He opened the bond between just enough to allow her to feel some of his shame and frustration.

She frowned, and looked intently at the image on the screen, "I can feel you my son. How can I assist."

"Mother, I have transgressed." He hung his head sightly his hands flat on the table in front of him, his mother would know the stance signified contrition.

"How so my son?"

"Though my lack of control I have violated the privacy of another. The incident was unintended nonetheless I am at fault. I do not know how to atone." He raised his eyes to the scene, "the one offended against was a human."

"I see," said his mother and frowned thoughtfully.

"Mother I can find no guide, no president to follow. I do not know how to proceed."

"My son." She looked rueful, "In some ways Vulcan culture has many advantages, one of them is a ritual for every occasion. One is seldom left not knowing what is expected." She sighed.

Spock felt a slight nudge in his mind, his mother wanted to know more so she could advise correctly. Spock tensed but a jumbled wisp of emotion, a tangled thread of worry, longing, confusion, happiness escaped before he could prevent it.

His mother smiled softly, "I understand, this issue is complex my son." She frowned she could sense his reluctance to share more. She looked up and took a deep breath, "I do not understand the situation fully, remember that, my best advice to you is to be honest. See the person involved and be honest about what occurred, how it affected you and…. why." She paused to consider the feeling of reluctance she sensed from Spock.

"Spock, you believe you have transgressed, have you made the other emotionally vulnerable by being party to personal information to which you had no right? If so then apologise and be honest. By doing so you will make yourself vulnerable. This is may be suitable amends for your actions."

"You recommend reciprocity," said Spock.

"Indeed, my son, if you want to preserve this relationship, I believe it may be essential. Consider this from a human's view point. Humans are always essentially alone, just as Vulcans are always connected. Even though you are relatively isolated for a Vulcan you are never truly alone, unless you choose to be so." Spock felt the mental equivalent of a hug through their bond and closed his eyes briefly, savouring the love and concern it conveyed. "Humans have no such connections. Humans can never really know what another thinks or feels, unless, like me, they are lucky enough to bond with a Vulcan." She smiled broadly at this.

"Ideally human relationship progress by a progressive deepening of intimacy. One party shares a little of themselves and the other party matches the level of intimacye or goes a little further. They can pause at any time. Remember humans can only infer emotion from words and actions and reading a rich array of body language signals, but, they can never really know what another feels or thinks. This isolation means there must be a process that ensures safety. If one party becomes aware of knowledge the other did not want to reveal at that stage then an imbalance may be created. This must be addressed or the relationship may fail."

"Mother you talk about building a relationship but this is…"stated Spock

"Spock, of course you want a build a relationship. It is illogical to dwell on what has happened and can not be undone. If this was simple accidental transgression you would apologise sincerely and move on. You would do what you could and then leave the other with the responsibility of coping with their own internal state. Contact with the one against whom you transgressed may remain awkward and uncomfortable; but that may be unavoidable." She paused and frowned slightly as if concentrating on hearing something in the distance, "But I can feel that this is not acceptable or desirable." She looked full at him in the screen and smiled widely.

"Mother, in this case I do not know what is an acceptable outcome," he looked down and missed the expression on his mothers face that blended sadness and happiness in equal measure.

"Yes, you do my son. You do know; but I think there are difficulties. You need to decide what is more important, the issue that presents the difficulty or the relationship with the person." She suddenly sat up straight eyebrows raised and a expression of surprise on her face, "I feel that you have your answer already."

Spock actually sighed, "Mother you are, as ever, disconcerting."

She smiled broadly and said teasingly, "The trouble with a human mother is she uses intuition as well as logic, besides a parent needs to disconcert their child on a regular basis."

"You perform admirably," he said with dry humour.

"My son, if I am correct in my understanding of your situation you need to reciprocate. Let go of being correct and allow yourself to be uncertain and vulnerable. In a similar situation it is what I needed to redress the imbalance. " The Lady Amanda smiled slightly as she sensed he sons amazement and also slight annoyance on that she appeared to have guessed so much. She said. "No one ever said dealing with humans would be easy Spock." She smiled a little sadly at her son.

"Thank –you mother, send my salutations to my father," replied Spock.

"Good-bye my son," she replied and ended the transmission. As she did so Spock felt his mothers love and concern briefly through their bond.

He had his answer.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

Touched

Chapter 7

**Nyota. **

Nyota stood in front of the door of Commander Spock's quarters and hesitated.

"Don't over think it, just do it," she commanded herself. She had already been over and over her action plan in her mind. She had chosen to go to his quartes for two reasons. Firstly because she wanted privacy and at his office there was always the risk of interruptions. The second reason was she wanted the apology to be personal, not a cadet apologising to the Commander, but Nyota Uhura apologising to Spock, the person. She had dressed carefully in a long sleeved dark coloured top and skirt; not dressy, not formal but restrained. Gallia had put her hair up in a casual and graceful style. She was a ready as she could be. But still she hesitated.

She took three measured deep breaths. "Screw your courage to the sticking place*," she advised herself, and pressed the door buzzer.

**Spock. **

Spock was unsettled after the discussion with his mother. He could never fathom how she seemed able to glean so much understanding from so little information. She was disconcerting indeed. And she was right. His course was clear. He realised that, apart from her parting revelation, his mother had not told him anything he did not already know at some level but he had needed to hear it from an external source to gain clarity. His path and priorities were clear although his strategy was not. He showered quickly and settled down to meditate.

When he emerged from his mediation he felt relaxed for the first time since the touch. He was still seated and drifting in the pleasantly open and relaxed state that often followed a deep meditation when his door chimed. He hesitated briefly considering ignoring the summands, then rejected the thought and rose.

He was unprepared for the sight of Cadet Uhura was standing with her head bent looking at the floor as the door whooshed open.

**Uhura. **

The first thing she saw were his bare feet. Her first thought was like a sigh, "Oh my, even his toes are elegant." Her second thought was, "Oh no! I've screwed up again." Uhura realised she had been so focused on her reasons for coming to his quarters she had not considered that it might be another invasion of his privacy. As her eyes slowly moved up from bare feet, over loose black silky trousers (Pyjamas? Please NO!) which were slung loosely at his hips, over his torso in a the tight fitting black T shirt to his face (Was that slight stubble? And is his hair damp?) it was all that Uhura could do not to turn and run.

Like a mantra she chanted in her head, "Be professional, be professional."

The moment drew out. She looked at him hideously aware that she had succeeded in one of her aims, she was looking at Spock, not Commander Spock teacher and officer, but Spock, the man; and she was not ready for the impact that had on her. He looked younger, more human, somehow exposed and achingly desirable. He did not speak. He seemed frozen in place; totally immobile. Seconds passed and still no one spoke. It was excruciating.

**Spock. **

The sight of her was totally unexpected. Uhura stood with her head slightly bowed, her long hair was swept up into a twisting style on top of her head leaving the graceful curve of her neck exposed. He was transfixed. He became aware that she was looking at him and as he returned her gaze. A series of emotions flittered across her expressive face. He was not skilled at reading facial expression but his body responded first with heat and an aching clenching sensation in the pit of his stomach and then tension. She was going to leave. He could see the growing panic in her eyes.

He stepped back from the door and gestured for her to enter.

Tbc.

* Quote from Shakespeare's "Lady Macbeth"

Au: Apologies for the somewhat dodgy punctuation. I have reached the end of my punctuation competence *sigh*.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

Touched

Chapter 8

**Nyota. **

Uhura closed her eyes and stepped inside. She jumped slightly as the door whooshed closed.

"Get a grip!" she thought to herself, "you have a task to perform, perform it! Forget the place, forget how he looks, and just get it over and done."

Uhura took a deep breath. Still looking down she moved her arms so her hands were slightly raised and palms to the floor. Her research had suggested this is a posture expressing contrition; a human would turn the palm up in supplication, but to a Vulcan that posture could be an invitation to from a bond and in the wrong setting could be mildly offensive. Uhura started in fluent Vulcan, "I have come to state how much I regret my thoughtless and inappropriate action in the language laboratory. The fault is mine, it was an act deserving censure, and I am ashamed. I apologise unreservedly for the act and any consequences of that act and the amount of time it has taken me to acknowledge my fault." Uhura was horrified to feel her throat tighten. She breathed deeply and slowly and when she felt in command of herself she looked up. His eyes held hers, unreadable but not hostile. She continued in Standard, "I ask your forgiveness. I am sorry. I am to blame and assure you that I will not act in such a thoughtless manner again. I regret that you were subjected to my thoughts and feelings. I will learn from this error and I believe I can be an adequate communications officer and a worthy member of Star Fleet. "

Spock was silent for five long seconds then in one short sentence put an end to Uhura dreams and aspirations.

He said, "Cadet Uhura, I do not agree."

**Spock. **

He saw the light leave her eyes and her face muscles tense. Her eyes become watery and she took a shuddering breath. She blinked rapidly and breathed deeply; signs that he interpreted to mean she was struggling for control. He had only spoken the truth but he had said something wrong. He quickly reviewed her statement and realised the potential ambiguity of his statement.

He took a deep breath and spoke very carefully, "Cadet Uhura, I do not agree with your statement but I respect you for having come and apologised as you saw fit." Somehow that was still wrong. He watched her face and hypothesised the emotions shown were confusion and sadness. He was experiencing muscular tension and slightly elevated heart rate, more indications that something was wrong. He must clarify his statement.

"You are aware that Vulcans are touch telepaths?" he enquired looking at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Never touch a Vulcan on the hands or the face," Uhura stated in a whisper.

"Correct," stated Spock, "the reason for this is that the hands and the face have the highest concentration of receptors and transmitters. The rest of the Vulcan body is sensitive but not to the same degree."

Uhura nodded that she understood.

Spock continued, "Every Vulcan child learns that they have a responsibility to both shield their own mind and not to access the mind of another. There are inevitable accidental transgressions in childhood and the consequences of these are both swift and memorable. In the area of telepathy, sending and shielding, humans are as ignorant as the youngest Vulcan child. Therefore I need to be responsible for shielding both parties; just as a Vulcan adult is with an untrained child. You were ignorant Cadet Uhura and that is not your fault, you have not had the opportunity to learn the skills necessary and can not be held responsible. The act was yours but the responsibility for any telepathic transference was mine and any fault is mine."

**Nyota. **

This was just getting worse. He did not think she was fit to be Starfleet officer and he thought she was as ignorant as a child. Nyota had not realised how highly she valued his good opinion. In the weeks since the High Five Incident she had even begun to consider the idea that he'd had a fondness for her. Those fleeting blurred images of her were always accompanies by a feeling of appreciation blended with interest and pleasure. Now he stood there destroying all her hopes and dreams.

Uhura had done what she came to do. She had apologised and now she would leave while she still had some dignity. She decided she would wish him good evening and then leave. She must do it quickly before she lost control and humiliated herself by crying. She turned and moved toward the door.

**Spock. **

Spock felt like a blind man feeling his way. He did not know this territory. He had no skills at this sort of conversation and his body seemed to know that he was getting this all wrong. Nyota was leaving. She turned away and started to move toward the door. He drew a deep breath and tried again. He would speak as plainly as he could.

"Cadet Uhura, I…" He paused. He was wrong again.

"Nyota, please, stay." he said softly.

He heard her gasp and she stopped halfway to the door and turned to look at him confusion plain on her face.

"I have mediated and reflected" he stopped and looked at the floor and briefly closed his eyes and thought, then he looked up and said clearly, "I do not regret what occurred." He watched her closely. That was better; she still looked confused but she lost that panicked look as if she might run away.

Spock centred himself and consciously relaxed, "I understand now that your actions were a natural expression of exuberance," he looked at her intently, willing her to understand, "I can think of no one else who would have acted like that around me." Spock saw that she was opening her mouth to speak and raised a hand to forestall her, and spoke quickly, "you reacted as if you have been with a friend. You did not stop to think of me as an alien just as someone with whom you would naturally share your happiness and excitement." Again he paused and simply said, "Thank-you."

He was unable to read her expression she had her head slightly tilted and she was frowning slightly.

He plunged on now, "I must apologise to you Cadet Uhura, I had no intention of becoming privy to your private thoughts. I …"

Spock could see Nyota had blushed progressively darker as he spoke and her body was tensely rigid.

Spock paused and seemed about to speak again and faltered, finally he said, "As a race of telepaths Vulcans have never developed a proficiency in verbal expression of important personal matters; of feeling." He stumbled over the last word. "Everything we want to express to another can be expressed with a touch. I can not communicate clearly in this human way, will you let me tell you in my language?"

With that Spock extended his hand, palm up, toward Nyota.

**Nyota. **

Nyota looked at Spock's hand. His expression was neutral but he was breathing slightly faster than usual. She wanted to touch him, to communicate his way as he called it.

"I am afraid…" she said hesitantly.

"Last time I was not shielded. This time I am shielded and your thoughts will not overwhelm me," he paused and said softly, "I will not look at any thought you do not consciously show to me."

Nyota realised he understood her fear of being exposed and vulnerable. Then suddenly she realised what he was really offering her. He was risking being as exposed as she was. She reach her hand toward him hesitatingly, unsure of how to touch him.

Spock raised his hand palm outward. She did the same. Their hands were still 6 inches apart.

"Ozh'esta?" she was confused. Her research indicated that this was an intimate and intense touch.

"It is what is required," he stated and he stepped forward and touched his hand to hers.

At first there was nothing but the warmth of his hand. She felt a soft thrill that she was touching him. No, this time he was touching her. She experienced another warmth not her own, it was a wispy echo of the thrill mixed with wonder and relief. Nyota felt vaguely disappointed that the touch did not reveal more. Then she felt his touch in her mind. When she thought about it later it was impossible to find words that adequately described the experience. His touch seems as real as the feel of his fingers against hers. Her heart rate increased and she felt a panic at the strange and alien sensation, then she felt a surge of reassurance wash through her. She breathed deeply and calmed herself and began to feel curious.

**Spock. **

He felt her thrill when he touched her and it was almost too much for his control. He wanted to explore her mind as intently as any lover yearns to explore his lover's body, but he could not. He had to maintain control. He felt her panic as her mind struggled to adjust and he reassured her. Slowly he felt her relax; he felt her vague disappointment then curiosity and slight probing like a question. He opened up his mind a little and let her in.

**Nyota. **

Her whole being was filled with the experience, it was recognisable but different. Familiar concepts morphed into the unfamiliar yet still comprehensible. She adjusted with wonder to the realisation that this was Spock's reality and his experience.

What he showed her did not play like a movie before her. She experienced it, she knew and felt and fully experienced the events and at the same time she was herself. She was losing herself and finding herself while all the time touching Spock's hand and looking into his eyes.

She experienced his shame at being party to her private thoughts a yet knew how he treasured them and felt the internal conflict this caused. She was aware of the profound depth of his aloneness. She eyes filled with tears as she experienced his response to the revelation that one person looked forward to seeing him, and thought about him affectionately and desired him for how he was. This had wrought a change in him that amazed him. He was dreaded losing her affection and regard. As she became accustomed to the new experience she was aware of the yearning and desire that underlay his thoughts. She tentatively thought of her affection for Spock, her desire, and her wonder at the experience they were sharing.

She realised that they were touching with their other hands. She had raised her hand and was stroked gently down the side of his head and he cupped her hip and his hand radiated heat through her clothes.

Their sharing now focused on their present experience. As they shared their sensations their foreheads touched and they leaned into one another physically and mentally and felt the warmth that was not just body heat. Both were breathing hard and their longing intensified, glowing and threading though them so that where one ended and the other began started to blur. Their lips gently brushed together and desire flared at the touch. Spock drew back immediately and dropped his hand to his side.

**Spock**

"I am still your teacher," he said.

"I do not care" she replied.

"Yes, you do and so do I," he stated and reached and took her hand again. Again she was drawn into him and he showed her his concern for her career and his career and the importance of their relationship being untainted. Spock wanted her to know this was not a rejection. She must understand with certainly that he wanted to protect her and yet yearned for her.

"We can wait," he said and let her feel she felt his resolve and regret.

"Two months," she said, and he felt how to her it seemed an eternity.

"It will pass," he replied.

"I am afraid," she whispered and he experiences her fear with her. She feared that every thing they had just discovered could disappear. He showed her his own fear. He showed her how he saw her and felt her amazement at the bright vibrant being she was to him and his bitter awareness of his own limitations.

She leaned toward him, seeking, and this time Spock did not pull away from their kiss.

TBC...

AU: Sorry for the delay in updating, assignments getting in the way of important things like fanfic I am afraid *sigh*. Almost at the end and I hope it will not take so long for the next update.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.

Touched

Chapter 9

**Nyota. **

There was heavy dew on the grass and slight mist in the air as Nyota walked quietly back across the green to her quarters. She took her time, secure in the early morning solitude. Nyota knew Gallia would want to know what had happened and she knew she could not tell her. It was too personal and too new to share. Nyota guessed that Gallia first question would be, "What happened to your hair?"

***

Nyota sighed as she thought of the sensation of Spock's strong fingers threading through her hair as he kissed her lingeringly. She smiled again at his surprise and consternation when her elegant hair style had become partly detached form its moorings. He had pulled away from her and attempted to refasten the twisted mass of hair. He was no more skilled with women's hair styles that she was.

She had said, "It's a lost cause," and reached up to unpin the hairdo. She had struggled with the hairpins, that where now scratching her scalp. Spock had led her to the sofa, sat her down and had sat beside her and gently removed the hairpins. Finally her hair was loosened and cascaded down her back and he had combed it out with his fingers, gently and rhythmically, letting the silken strands run between his fingers. Then she had reached up and rubbed her scalp saying, "Hair headache, I get them when I let my hair down after it has been up for too long."

Spock had paced his hands over hers and stilled her rough rubbing. He began to massage her scalp firmly but gently. She dropped her hand to her lap and leaned into him. She luxuriated in the feeling of his fingers. It was so soothing. She felt herself relax and at the same time goose bumps spread down her neck and spine. He moved her hair aside and pressed his lips to the raised flesh on the nape of her neck.

_***_

Acting on an impulse Nyota took her shoes off and stepped of the path onto the damp grass. She walked scuffing her feet slightly enjoying the sensation of the cool damp grass on her feet. She walked over toward the memorial for the fallen.

**Spock.  
**He had wanted to walk her back to her room but she had insisted on going alone. As Nyota pointed out anyone seeing her would simply and correctly assume she had had a late and eventful night. If they were together the inference would be very different. He had acknowledged the logic of her augment. He stood at his window and watched her. She walked lightly almost skipping and then she stoped and removed her shoes and walked across the dew damp grass. She stopped half way to the memorial to the fallen, spread her arms wide, a shoe in each hand and slowly turned on the spot. Her head was tipped back and her expression blissful. Then she stopped and hugged herself as she continued to walk.

Her actions were utterly incomprehensible to him but made his heart ache in his side.

Spock closed his eyes and relived his memories of the night. First he had basked in her happiness as her massaged her scalp then heat had flooded him as he felt her awareness of him and goose bumps spread down her neck and spine. He had leaned down and kissed her neck and she had relaxed back toward him on the sofa and aching with longing for him. Then Nyota had turned and twisted around pressing against him until they had ended up lying together on the sofa. The narrow space had meant he was half over her and she was kissing his face and neck. His hand found hers and they dove into one another. He had thought he knew her secrets and had tasted her joy and her passion. Now he realised how incomplete his earlier experience was. The intensity of her passion burned him and he, who was always so hot, learned what it was to be heated by another.

**Nyota. **

Nyota stood before the monument. Some cadets called it the pencil. It was a tall column with five faces coming ending in a point. On each of the five faces a long screen showed the slowly scrolling roll of those Star Fleet personnel that had fallen in the line of duty.

As she stood there a shiver ran up her spine, "Someone walked over your grave" her mother would have said. Nyota frowned; there were so many names each with their rank, ship and date of death. She experience a sudden sense to the terrible vulnerability of life and how transient and precious it was. She placed her finger over the scrolling dates. Had any of them guessed that day would be their last? Had any postponed love in the false believe that belief that there would be time later? Last night Spock and Nyota chosen the course they believed built the strongest possibility of a future; they had agreed that they would wait until after graduation, until then they would remain cadet and instructor. She shivered and a feeling of unease again rippled through her.

She turned and walked toward her quarters.

"Don't borrow trouble," she scolded herself. Besides she felt so alive. She felt the slight soreness of her delicate skin and shivered at the flood of memories. Nyota wondered how she would survive the intervening months, now she knew what she was missing. She recalled when she had seen Spock under the single light in the language lab, his head tipped back, hair tousled, his eyes shut, month sightly open and an intense expression on his face she had speculated that this was how he would look in the throes of passion. Now she knew she had been right. She also knew he sometimes bit his bottom lip to remain quiet and that he liked to look into her eyes as he climaxed and that his body heat intensified all her skin's sensations and that his tongue was hotter than his hands.

She was also sure that she had a bad case of Vulcan beard rash, she grinned and made a mental note not to let Gallia see her undressed for a couple of days. She did not want to have to answer the inevitable questions. Still grinning she turned and looked towards his building.

**Spock. **

Spock watched her. He was at amazed at the choices he had made last night. He had started yesterday with no plan other than to apologise to Nyota and here he stood one day later watching his Nyota. His Nyota, this new reality was …fascinating.

**Nyota. **

The early morning sun reflected on the windows of the building where Spock's lived and stopped her seeing if he was watching. She estimated a 90% probability that he was observing her. She grinned and slowly and deliberately blew him a kiss. She would have laughed aloud if she had known that automatically and totally illogically his hand had risen to catch it.

Fin.

AU: Thanks so much to everyone who favourite and commented. The comments are very helpful and encouraging and besides it must be good karma! So if you liked it let me know and please let me know so if there are errors I can fix them.


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